What IS it with tenants now-a-days?!

Do you remember me telling you that I now get to be in charge of screening new potential tenants for the next door apartment?

Uggh.

So, today, we get an application from a woman named Betty Davis. No, not THE Betty Davis, but A Betty Davis, nonetheless. She is really sweet, somewhat strange, but all in all, I like her, right?

I ask the question. Do you have anything in your criminal or financial past that I need to be aware of. She says "You won't find a thing on me."

Uh huh. She was wrong.

I find that she's got a big, fat, honkin embezzlment case hanging over her head of which she was just released from prison last year. Her ex-husband is doing time for all of the following: Homicide, Assault with intent to do great bodily harm less than murder, grand larceny, larceny over $100, Assault with a deadly weapon, weapons - carrying w/o permit and controlled substance violations.

OOOOH, and the best part, he gets out in September. Why wouldn't we want him hanging around?

We'll be passing on that tenant. NEXT.

This just in, Mr. DK is on strike. Apparently, I didn't read his mind that he wanted nookie for the last two nights, didn't give it up, so when I went to kiss him a little bit ago, he turns his head and says "Uh, I think not. I'm on strike." I said "What? You don't belong to a union. There will be no strikes here." He says "I do too. The preacher said "This Holy Union" when he married us. I'm in a union, and so are you. So there." I sighed. "Yes, but who breaks ties in voting, since we both hold 50 percent of the voting power?" He said "The kids. Only you can only subpoena the ones who can talk."

Note to self...we'll not be kissing Mr. DK anymore. Entirely too much hassle.

I thought we'd do a fun new little countdown for my sister. To give her the benefit of the doubt, we'll go 14 glorious days back from the day she called and came out of the closet full of men where she spent the first 21 years of her life (and let me just say that must be a HUGE freakin' closet). I just want to get a running tally of just how long it takes her to go from gay back to super-tramp. So you will start seeing a glaringly bright number at the bottom of all my posts. I just want you to know, too...that for you I will be suffering. Anything that forces me to speak to my sister every day is just heinous. However, for y'all, I'll bite that proverbial bullet and call just to get the scoop for you every single day.

Hmmm...what else happened today? OH. Gram came over. I love my Gram, don't get me wrong, but why can't she call first?! Why can't she call and say "Honey, I'm coming over to inspect every crevice of your home. If it's not clean, I'll not say anything to you about it, but what I do say will get back to you through all the friends and family I've told it to. By the way, when I say that your home looks nice, what I mean is that I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm afraid to sit on your couch for fear that with all the dog hair that it will jump up and bite me."

I mean, wouldn't it be easier than pretending that she's on the up and up?

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GLORIOUS Days since my little sister found out she was gay. (see the Girl on Girl action post for more details.)