Chick-a-Bow-Bown

I'm a little pissed. And, like the good hearted person I am, I'm trying to see the comical value of the pisser, and it's good enough that I thought I'd share.

I spent 8 hours and 39 minutes downloading a movie last night on a peer to peer file share system. Yes, I know this is pirating and all of that. No lectures from you, I know about that piece of Bazooka gum you stole when you were 7. Give me any crap and I'll tell your mother about that little incident. Capish?

So, anywho, I spent 8 hours and 39 minutes downloading what I THOUGHT was The Longest Yard. This morning, I get up to find that it's finished downloading. Jas and I get our coffee, pull up an extra chair to my computer to begin watching it. The excitement was thick in the air. Pulling off something a little naughty always causes a satisfying energy spike.

I look over at Jas, and there's a little boy grin on his face. He's excited. We wanted to see the movie, but the thought of paying twenty bucks for two tickets, and fourty bucks for a sitter is a turn off, so wa-la...problem solved, right?

The screen flickers, and red, 1970's style letter comes across the screen: School Day Pictures.

I said "Huh. I thought Paramount did this?" It was retorical. I didn't actually expect Jas to say anything.

Then the title comes across the screen: Debbie Does Dallas.

WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I remember accidentally stumbling across this movie when I was 7. I opened the BADASSED VCR my daddy had just paid $600 bucks for, Flashdance on VHS in hand and WA-LA. There's Debbie wearing her cute little Dallas Cheerleader Uniform on the VHS label now protruding from Daddy's expensive little piece of machinery. I hear "Honey...what are you doing?" "Nothing, Mom. I thought I'd watch Flashdance, but I guess I'll watch this cheerleading movie you've got in." I reply, innocently.

Then there was the pounding of running feet, and my mom literally diving across the living room at me to pry Debbie's little work of art out of my fingers. I didn't actually get what that was all about until about 10 years later.

Jas and I sat there, a little dumbfounded for a good half hour. The music isn't quite the Chick-Bow-Bown getcho-groove-on music that we've become expectant of in today's romantic lovefests. With the music they played back then, you'd almost expect a bunny to come scampering across the screen, or maybe swords to be drawn as they are building to their uhh...climax. The music played on yester-decade's porn doesn't give off the warning that if you walk into a room you may view a little more than you bargained for. I mean...just an observation.

So...the hunt continues. Damn peer-to-peer and their falsely naming their files. Damn them!

It's a good damn thing the kids were taking their showers when we started watching that.

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