Evil, Evil People.

Sometimes, the fodder from the bar can be amusing. Sometimes, it flat just pisses me off. This post is going to be a rant. I warn you ahead of time. I'm still pissed (a full 13 hours later) at the events of last night.

I'm not sure if I blogged about it or not. Frankly, I'm too tired, and too lazy and too PMS-ful to go look it up to see. LOL. My first Friday working, I cut a girl off, only to find her with a beer in her hand 15 minutes later. I asked her to leave. This will play into the story later on. Remember her. For a visual...think dyed black, stringily curly hair, tall, vampire white, skinny, jaw wobbling back and forth when she talks, and obviously a candidate for tubal ligation whether she already has kids or not.

Last night, we were at full capacity. At least I think we were at full capacity. She doesn't have a system in place to make sure we're not over crowded. To top it off, it was me and Dave, the OTHER new person. There were at least 150 people in the teensy little bar. We were kicking ass. I was quite pleased with how well Dave and I were working together. Dave's a good guy. He at one point owned his own bar, ended up retiring and selling, and decided in the long run that he loves bartending, and he loves the potential cash cow associated with bartending. If I haven't already specified, there is some money to be made. If you end up with a crowd like we had last night, you can easily pull in 150-200 bucks a night in tips, not counting your actual wage. Anywho...I'm not ranting about Dave. I adore working with Dave.

We've got a bouncer named Chuck. Chuck has got to be the dumbest person I've ever had the opportunity to get to know. It's not that he has ADHD. I can deal with chasing his ass around the bar making sure he does his job. It's his job to make sure that no one carries glass bottles or glasses to the patio. There's logic in this. We don't want to arm pissy drunks with glass shards to kill each other with. He's also to keep his eye out for prospective fights, keep an eye on slutty chicks dancing with everyone BUT her husband (so her husband doesn't end up postal), and if I cut someone off or ask someone to leave...it's his job to make sure they follow through with what I've asked. It's also his job to enforce all rules in the bar. He's 6'4" and looks intimidating enough, but if you take 2 seconds to talk to him, you learn quickly that he's not smart enough to SPELL the word Rules, much less enforce such a thing.

I go out to the patio to see what's going on. Every table in the bar was filled and there were 9 tables on the patio filled...regardless of the fact it was only about 40 degrees last night. Upon crossing the threshold to the patio, I immediately see 4 glass glasses, 2 glass bottles and even with the mother of all colds brewing in my sinuses, I can smell the distinct smell of marijuana.

I walk over and start pouring glasses into plastic cups and handing them back to their owners. I get close to the source of the marijuana and Mike, a regular who was actually trying to brown-nose to my boss and get me in trouble for pouring out his 1/8th of a glass of piss warm beer the other night says "You wanna hit?" I said..."Uh, no. I'm good." He says "You gonna go tell on me?" I said "Tell who? It's my bar tonight. You have two choices. Put it out, and get it out of my bar, or you can leave." He says "Ok."

20 minutes later, they're passing around a new one. I go seek out Chuck. I said "Chuck...you need to take care of the situation on the patio. I just pulled in six glass containers from there, and they're smoking bud out there. Deal with it." Chuck says "I already tried. They are my friends, and they won't listen."

This is where tizzy number one occurred. Chuck has been talked to over and over again about fraternizing with the patrons. I said, "Chuck, if you can't enforce the rules of the bar, then you can't do your job. If they're your friends, they won't be trying to get you fired from your job, which is EXACTLY what's going to happen if you don't get it out of here." He disengaged the blondes arms that were wrapped around him and headed for the patio. He came back in and said "They aren't listening." I said "That's it. You're not doing your job, I see no real reason why you should recieve a paycheck for tonight. Pull your shit together, Chuck or I'm going to tell Chris just that."

He launches into this whole "It's not a big deal" speech. But, for me, it IS a big deal. I work with law enforcement every day. My reputation and my career are on the line when someone thinks it's a good idea to bring illegal drugs into a social, heavily policed setting. It's not Chucks ass that's going to get a ticket, it's me and Dave, and more than likely our boss that will get slammed for allowing it. I explained this, and he tried to sweet talk me into not reaming his friends asses. I did it anyway.

Ok. Fast forward about an hour. The chick I referenced above (vampirish drug fiend looking girl) keeps coming to me and telling me that Ruthie, one of our regulars (who has been helping me with tables here and there all night, whom I've gotten to know fairly well, and who is also the best friend of the owner) is picking fights with her. I tell her that she must be mistaken, because Ruthie isn't that type of person. She's a very passive person. Next she comes up and tells me that Ruthie met her in the bathroom and says she's trying to get people together to beat this girl up.

I actually said "How old are you again? You ARE aware this is a public bar that adults frequent, and not your 9th grade dance, yes?" I told her that if she didn't quit with Ruthie, I was going to ask her to leave. She said not to worry, that they were heading out. So, I go pull Chuck and tell him to follow her out and make sure she leaves. Gut told me that she was looking for trouble.

Not 2 minutes later, I hear "Fight!" and the bar is trying to empty into our parking lot. I go stand at the door, trying to keep people in. I don't want a parking lot brawl. So far, she's out there taking swings at a customer that was trying to enter the bar.

Chuck, meanwhile is standing there with his hands on his hips, with a very confused look on his face. I said "Chuck! Get her the hell out of here!" Chuck says "How?"

I get between the two of them, send Michelle, the customer trying to get in, into the bar. She heads for the door, with a baffled expression on her face. She says "I was just walking to the door and she flew at me!" I said "I know, just go in and I'll buy you a beer in a few minutes."

Now, drunk girl is still standing there running her mouth. I walked up to her and said, "You need to leave. I am barring you until you speak with the owner, and even then, I doubt she's going to let you back in. Don't come back." And then...

The dumb bitch flies at me. She got a good hook into my jaw.

Now, under normal circumstances, I probably would have gone ape shit on her. I was immediately so pissed, I saw red. However, I know she's drunk. I know I'm sober, and I know she's not in her right mind. I very, very calmly said, "You need to leave, or I'm going to have you arrested." She comes at me again. All this time, Chuck is just standing there.

This time, she came at me to punch me and I dodged and grabbed her arm, twisted it behind her back and with my left arm, put it over the front of her neck, cradling her head with my hand so she can't slam her head into my face.

I said "Chuck..this is your last chance to get her the fuck out of here, or you can go with her." Finally, he picks her up and takes her to her car. Her sister is driving (she hadn't been drinking and was so mortifyingly embarassed, she wouldn't even look at me.)

I went back in and my hands shook for a good 1/2 hour. It's not her hitting me I'm afraid of. I can handle that. Hell, I've got 4 brothers. It's the prospect of someone stupid like her bringing a weapon into the bar that scares me. And, the fact is, there's just no way of telling what they have on them or in their cars.

Poor Ruthie kept coming over and giving me hugs all night. She's a whole 5 foot tall and not a mean bone in her body.

I sat talking to the owner for almost three hours last night about how some shit needs to change if she hopes to keep the two new people on board. Between Dave and I, we've brought in some relatively decent patrons, and we did 2500 bucks last night between 9-2. That's more than she's grossed on any Friday night in the last year.

I am working tonight, and praying that some of the stuff we talked about is going to come into play. If not...Rio and his cage get paid for, and then I'm outta there.

PS...Jas's job is going awesome!

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