Men Are Dumb.

Ok. Maybe not ALL men. I've known quite a few intellectually stimulating males in my time. Hell...most of the intellectually stimulating men I've met, hold a dear place in my heart. My dad...freakin' brilliant. There's a few others that have tickled my wit-fancy too.

But...they are not whom I'm speaking of. I am talking about some of the dipshits that frequent the bar I work at. For instance...Greg. Greg (whom I've just met for the first time tonight) has proposed marriage. It matters not to Greg that I already have a rock on my finger.

Here's a snippet from that conversation:

Greg: Damn. You're sexy as hell. Will you marry me?

Me: No.

Greg: You're not even going to think about it?

Me: Nope.

Greg: I'm a catch. Really. But I wouldn't let you work in a bar.

Me: Huh. Ok. First of all...I'm married to someone already. Second of all...he doesn't LET me do anything. I do what I do. He does what he does. And...sometimes, we do it together. I don't know what third world country YOU'VE been living in...but it is possible to have breasts AND a brain of your own.

Greg: Well, there's no reason for you to get all bitchy. Sheesh.

Me: I'm not bitchy. This is me telling you the way it is.

Greg: Ok. Cool. So when you get unmarried...think of me.

Me: Yeah, that's probly not going to happen either.

Greg: Why not?

Me: What makes you think that I'm going to go through a divorce and decide I want YOU?

Greg: Well, why wouldn't you?

*****************************

See where I'm coming from? What would make him think that I'd come a runnin' the second my heart was broken for him (the drunk at the bar who doesn't even tip) to mend? Good Lord. It makes you wonder what sort of contamination his Gene Pool contains, doesn't it? And the saddest part of this little exchange is that it was one out of three conversations to night just like it.

First, I'm not that cute. I mean, I'm alright, but I'm almost 30 for crying out loud, and I've had 3 kids. Second, do they really assume that every chick in the world is hot for some drunk she just met at the scary bar in Michigan Center?! Uh....no. And third, why do they think it's ok to TOUCH me when they're talking to me?! One of the morons (not Greg) actually grabbed my chin and try to pull me close to him. I don't know his name, but I did cut him off and throw him out of the bar tonight. I'm She-Ra The Bartender: Fighting Wannabe Cassanova's One Drunk At A Time!

Spent some quality time with Rio today. He was sortof a little prick today. Rio's got a crush on Luanne, who is a staff member at the pet store. (For those who don't know...Rio is my Macaw that I'm slowly but surely working and paying off. There are pictures of both him and Ruby, his cell mate in the previous post) Anywho, when Luanne comes around, Rio gets all confused as to who he loves more. Since he's known Luanne longer, Luanne wins out every time. So, he gets all pissy with me and begs to be put on his cage. I thought this would be a good time to command him to step up from the cage on me, while she was standing there. Test his ability to listen and perform...right?

Rio reaches out and tries to bite me. I said "Rio goes to jail. NO BITING." And opened his cage and told him to get in. He looked at me for a second to see if I was serious. I was. I started shooshing him in with my body. When he gets to the side by my head, he looks at me, gets all exasperated and holds out his leg as if to say "Fine. You get your way. I'll step up. I don't want to go to jail." LOL. This right here is the key to training him. Take his shit, and he'll run all over me. When I don't take his shit and he actually has to do what he's told, he slowly but surely comes to terms with the fact that in his world, I'm God. And, in the end, I'll end up with an awesome bird!

sdk