Rio's Homecoming Photo Journal: Commentary by Rio...

Ok...so, as you all know, my mommy is a leeeeetle psycho about me. I mean...seriously...can we say stalker? So, I've decided for her that I'm going to take control of this little project and tell you what was REALLY going on the day she abducted me from the only home I've ever truly known... I'd say that's fair. I mean, if you think about it, yeah...she's dealing with a bird now, and it's a big change...yada, yada, yada. Think about ME. I grew up at the Pet Station. Kelly, Dee, Chuck, Jeff, LouAnn and the other birds...they raised me. I've been around other birds my whole life. So, here comes this chick (now known as Mommy) and we sort of click. Next thing I know, she's spending all her time with me, and like any male would...I'm diggin' it. What I didn't know was that she intended to uproot my entire existance as I know it. Now there's kids. I don't really understand kids. They seem important to her, so I'm trying really hard not to rip their pert little noses off. The dog. You know what? I don't even want to talk about the FUCKING dog right now. I'm pissed enough that I'll start using what mommy calls my "Potty Language"...and then I'll just be put in Birdy-Prison and that's not cool... The hubster seems pretty cool. I mean...cooler than I thought he was going to be anyways...he's nice to me, talks to me...anyways...it's all good.

Here's the pictures.

She's snappin' pics while I'm trying to preen my favorite little rope toy. Hey...ropes need love too. I think she's getting getting around all my stuff at this point, trying to tell me it's "all gonna be ok..." Uh huh. Yeah...Riiiiiigggghhhht.

This is my stuff. On the left you'll see a big ass bag of pellets. You can toss those...I do. I eat real food. And when I say real, I don't mean pre-packaged bird crap. I'm not a bird. I mean...sure, I LOOK like a bird, but at heart...I'm all human. I like pasta, I'm a HUGE fan of tacos, and I suppose I should throw in that if you insist on treating me like a bird, Walnuts and Pecans are a fan favorite...

Anywho...those little bags of stuff...yeah. $150 bucks worth of toys for me. I'll have her trained in no time. Those toys will last me about...ohhhhh...two weeks? Maybe a month? She'll learn to either be crafty and make me toys herself, or that she likes bartending enough to get a few more jobs...

The pet carrier...we'll get to that in a minute. I did mention that I'm NOT a pet, yes?

I'm saying Ciao to Marshall in this fine picture. That little shit's sorta grown on me. From what I understand though, he'll be going through the hell that is my existance soon enough...except he's got the KIDS to look out for him. Bwaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha. Sucker!

Mom says that we can't play together. It's really stupid, if you ask me. Apparently, she saw some picture in BirdTalk Magazine where a Macaw ripped off an Eclectus's beak. Something about me having a birdy-tude and not trusting me? Seriously...I'd only do it if he REALLY pissed me off...

Mommy acts like this paper is made of silver bells and walnut meat or something. She guards it with her LIFE. What I'm not completely understanding is why she nearly freaked out when I reached out and grabbed it out of her hands right after she took this picture of me. She spazzed all out, got on her hands and knees and scooped it up to give to Kelly, the Manager of the store. Kelly made some comment about the second mortgage finally being paid off or something? I dunno. I think it might have something to do with this stuff for why Marshall still gets to hang out at my old home...they talked about it a lot. Mommy growled when she heard the number that she has to meet for Marshall to come home. She looks mean when she growls...

This is the pet carrier I was telling you about. There's no perch in here. There's no food dishes in here. I am faaaaar from being a happy camper right now. Then, THEN...I finally get to go outside and see what it looks like out there and do you know what those insensitive pricks did?! They covered my whole carrier up with a towel. And they wonder why I bite...

I'm home. Mommy bought my cage that I'm used to so I wouldn't TOTALLY freak out. (as if...) She has hung all my new toys up, and I'm actually kind of diggin' it. This is the first few minutes I was home, after she got my toys hung up. She took me for a tour of the house, but honestly, I don't remember a helluva lot because, well...frankly I was petrified out of my mind. I'm a calm perso....uh, bird, but seriously folks...what would you do faced with this situation. Prison for your whole life, then being given the run of a big ole' house? I was scared. I'm coming around though...slowly but surely.

This is my freakazoid dog, Murphy. In this picture, she's sporting her new collar (that matches her leash) that she got as a consolation "You've been replaced by the hottest creature to fly the planet in at least 4 years" present. Her eyes say she wants to eat me. Her drool suggests that in a timeline that would make her happy...that time would be RIGHT NOW. I'm a prey-animal...I instinctively know these things. Trust me. She's so picturing me between bread.

So, in response to her longing look, this is the look I give her. It's my "Who's the bitch Now" stance. You like? Mommy calls it "ScaryBird". She mocks me. She's all..."Ooooh. Who's mommy-wommie's big scawee birdy? Is Ri-Ri mommies big scawy birdy?" I've learned not to say what I really think because she either puts it on video, or puts me in my cage and says that I have to watch my "Potty Language" around the kids. What she can't understand is that I'll get that damn dog if it's the LAST thing I do...

I think we can all agree that I'm just dead sexy all soak and wet. This is my first shower at home. I freakin' LOVE the shower. It's warm. It's comfy. It's like what my wild-caught friends tell me the rain forest is like...it's awesome. Mommy's all freaked out about making sure her "pieces-parts" are edited out of all the photos. Dad took these ones. Mom kept yelling at him to "Stay focused!" I'm pretty sure she was talking about making that camera-thingy work...

I'm so auditioning for the Chirpendales Calendar for 2007. I'm so hot....


And that's it for pictures so far folks...but stick around. She's a picture takin' fool when it comes to me...like I said, she's a bit obsessed I think. I like things around here for the most part, with the exception of the bleepin' dog. I haven't bitten anyone, and I'm trying to see just how many buttons they'll let me push right now just to see what the pecking order is. I guess in the end, all that will matter is that the stupid dog...is at the bottom of it!!!

Beaks and Feather Hugs...

Rio