Life and Decomposition
While we are all indeed new here, I'm going to save you the pain of all my personal history. If you've got questions that will help you tie it all together, ask. I'm highly unoffendable. And, chances are I'll answer you. That being said, I'm still dealing with an issue that happened a few weeks ago, and I need for it to sit right in my head.
Two weeks ago, on a high
profile search we did, my afternoon search team found the body. Normally, in a perfect world, law enforcement would have provided me with an officer to secure the crime scene in the event we found what we were looking for. This jurisdiction did not. Why? Because they were appeasing the family by allowing us to look in the first place. They said that they had covered the areas that we were searching and that they were clear.So, 400 foot BEHIND THE DAMN JAIL, we find the victim we're looking for, deceased for almost 3 weeks. He had tripped down a ravine and landed on his stomach in a creek bed.
Long story short, I had to go secure the crime scene. I've seen bodies before. I am ok with that. But, this one was different. Normally we find our victims fairly early in the investigation. This one was severely decomposed. The search team that found him told the family right off the bat that it wasn't their dad, that it was a large framed black male. They all look like large framed black males when they've been out in the elements for that amount of time.
He had a muscle debilitating disease. Hence the reason he couldn't get up and shake himself off and go home. The image I'm having trouble digesting (and making go away) in my head is his arm, reaching out, holding a stick trying to pull himself up. He was trying to save himself. And, he failed.
Now, in my dreams (and there are a lot of them) I'm seeing all sorts of stuff that I don't recall seeing at the actual scene. His hand now has a life of its own. There's holes in the flesh. It's reaching, almost beckoning.
His family is with no exception the nicest, most undeserving family I've ever had the pleasure of working with. They are just awesome. I talk with them every day, and it's hard. The son in law of the victim has said that he's having similar problems with his dreams. He saw what I saw, and is having nearly the same images that I've had, though I've not told him that.
It needs to go away so I can concentrate on my other victims.
sdk
posted by sdk @ 3:26 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Wow, thats so sad!! It must be really hard to see that kind of thing, especially if you do it for a job. Does the shock and everything lessen after awhile? Obviously not in some cases I suppose. I'm sorry you have to deal with that kind of stuff!!
I would say that you build up a callous for it, if that makes sense. I mean, it will always effect you because we're human, and that's just the way it works. But, you eventually learn to distance your emotions. When the victim is a child, that is impossible. But, the shock, after some of the results I've seen of what human beings do to one another...nothing shocks me anymore.
With this particular victim, I think I just fell in love with his family...if that makes sense. His family is everything I wish my family was. And you get to know your victims through the eyes of the families left behind.
I think my pain for him is like an extension of his families. That doesn't normally happen.
Though, I only find it fair to note I had a baby in March, and more than likely a little schmoopy from that. That screws with your internal emotion controls...
That's probably what my deal is!
sdk
That must be very difficult. But you must received such a sense of accomlishment... helping a family find resolution... bringing closure... or... reunification (and great joy, I would hope)...
MANNNN!!
Thats hectic. And truly a sad story. I wish only the evil people would die sometimes.
That really is sad.
That is a really tough job you have and Im sure you do your best to help families reach closure. Even if they dont realise it at first.
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